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Chapter Data
Date and Time 05.12.2030 00:10:54 UTC
Place Somewhere in an abandoned airfield, doubly-Middle East
Code Élnänthés

There is a triangular crowd that stretches as far the next rock formation, and there is a man right at the apex of it, along with some planes.

       ” yelled the man at the apex— wait a minute, what?

This is a weird person, no? It appears that light only ever hits him from the back, so you can only see his silhouette for all the time, even though he is facing the sun! This mysterious guy is so mysterious, that no one knows his face! [1]

But we need a name for him. Any ideas for it? How about something nice and simple like Dave?

    

    ” One of the guys in the triangle said. He was also faceless, but for a more vague reason: there is just no need for it.

Alright then, you will be called I Can’t be Bothered to Give You a, surnamed Name; while the guy who just talked about my existence is called Dave; how about that?

                              

An inordinately hilarious one, that’s what! [2]

    ” Dave asked.

You don’t have one. You have no need for that. You are but a Pawn, and he is a King.

So, now the name problem is solved, you may continue whatever you are doing, I Can’t be Bothered to Give You a Name.

                   

Yes… so what?

      

                                  ” Cue the obligatory DUN, DUN, DUNNN!

                  ” DUN, DUN, DUNNNNNN!

                         ” DUN, DUN – Whoops, that shouldn’t been there.

                                                         

Cheers rang throughout this incredibly large triangle, and I. C. B. G. Y. Name stopped it.

                               

While they’ll be snooping around for more planes, let’s fast-forward off to five hours later, when they found stole borrowed another 4980 from a place that they don’t want to talk about, but according to the police it was from a certain “Plot Accelerator Used Plane Dealership Co.” Right, that’s why they manage to get so many so fast!

The sky was already light when they got an incredibly awkward 5000 plane fleet. All sorts of planes are there: little private jets make the most of it, though several hundred fighting planes made it; there is also a large amount of scouting planes, a dozen or so helicopters, the odd glider, and even a jet airliner. And after reading the instructions manual (that, when stacked together, is higher than Name himself) and then come the order that should have been at the top of the chapter if it wasn’t for the many problems they faced: “                      

And so the Fleet of Awkwardness got ready, several pages later than scheduled.

TwoEdit

Chapter Data
Date and Time 05.12.2030 06:34:59 UTC
Place Plane number 455, several thousand meters up, the Midline between Yemen and Somalia in the Red Sea.
Code Same as Above

It was very boring in the Planes, but number 455 is the most boring of the lot.

Plane number 455 was a fighter plane; an F-16 to be more precise. As it’s a fighter plane, you don’t expect much entertainment in it. So the twenty in #455 are also very bored.

           ” Said Faceless Minion number 9103.

    ” said Faceless Minion number 9114.

       ” said FM #9105.

 ” said 9114. “ 

Of course, if two’s company, three’s a crowd, then ten very probably means a squabble. You can’t help these minions; their lives are too short to be any sort of peace.

Let’s just say that they have made the worst possible moves in the worst possible times, and since both sides did it, it was a genuinely tense game. [3] Plus, they are too used to playing another type of chess (Shatranj) [4]. Eventually the teams resort to rule bending.

                    

                    

   

   

And then it descends to all fighting, swearing, throwing and all sorts of carnage.

This is very embarrassing, so let’s move on to the next chapter. (This one’s getting too long anyway!)

NotesEdit

  1. Not even him, for obvious reasons. He once tried to see himself through a mirror, but all he could see is a black shadow.
  2. Not to mention rule-bending, too!
  3. For the full game, see Appendix 2 at the end of the book.
  4. This is funny, because the game has been outdated for 400 years or so anyway. Those wacky minions can stump the flow of time, can they?
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